Rolling Along

You find yourself, three years in..  Time has dragged by, strangely enough it’s flown by too.  You don’t realize how quickly everything can change, or how much it can change.  One day you’re on your way home from work and three years later nothing is the same.  You’ve lost your home (or rather forced out of it) and you’re a guest (however welcomed or wanted, still a guest) in someone else's home.  You body doesn’t work right and barring a miracle or major medical breakthrough it never will again.  Some of things may be fixed in some manner, but they won’t  really fixed, just modified.  You friends and family give you pep talks; tell you you’re loved, how strong you are, how brave; make you out to be some sort of hero. You tend to not believe them.  You’re hardly inspiring. You're just some fool who broke down on the thruway.  And you’re broken. You’ll see stories of others that are broken too.  You’ll tell yourself, “I wish that article was more specific, where is their injury? Is it the same as mine?”  Surely their’s is lower.  It must be, their recovery is going so much better, easier, and smoother than your’s.   It must be because they’re a guy, because they’re 22, because they were an athlete, because they were in the military. Because they weren’t you.  And you’re weak and broken.

Some days you don’t know how you’re going to get through it all, but you do, somehow.  Someday things will truly be OK again.  Today is not that day.  The day is coming, just not today.