Year 4

I had half a mind to just repost last year's blog.  Not much has really changed.  I'm in a relative limbo in regards to what I do next.  I was presented with something that would allow me to stand.  This all started not quite a year ago and I'm still waiting to see a doctor for a test.

I'm still in an obscene amount of physical and nerve pain.  I'm potentially doing something about that come thursday.  I don't like what the meds I'm currently taking do to my mental state.  My doctor advised me to lower my dose, but that failed to work as desired and I had to bump back up.

This caused me some issues with my mental state when I met my brother for the first time, last week. I wanted it to not be like that so badly.  And I failed in that.

So some good things have come,  the family has grown (bio and adopted).

I 've met one brother (and his wife), a neice, and my mother.  Another brother and sister are expected in a few weeks.

Everything is in a relative limbo.  I'm no closer to being able to go back to work.  Guessing that I'll likely never work again.

Moon Over (Independence) Parma

So as I write this we are on our way down I-90 heading towards Independance, OH.  Why? You may ask.  Well there is no simple answer.  Independence happens to be the location of the cheapest/only hotel in the Cleveland area that has private bedroom, multiple bed, handicapped accessible suites.  Go Embassy Suites!  Oh, you want to know why we’re headed for Cleveland.

Some may think I’m headed for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to protest Rush not having gotten in yet.  Oh wait, they did already didn’t they.  We are headed there, probably on Wednesday.   

Truthfully I just have a few Appointments with Doctors and therapists at Metrohealth.  Unsure if anything will come of it really.  (continued tuesday as there's no wifi and I made the mistake of drafting on Ipad instead of phone and was too lazy to retype it on the phone.)

So after a fun filled trip from home to the hotel in Independence we settled in with dinner from Wendy’s and slept the sleep of the dead, or perhaps the sleep of the paraplegic.   :-) There was a very funny mishap as we got off the elevator and headed right.  (it’s an atrium setup, i described as an inside out motel.)  As mom and I trailed behind dad, who had the luggage carriage. We made a 99.9999%  rotation around the corridor to find our suite was the first one left of the elevator bank aka the one immediately in front of the stage left elevator.  Fun fun fun!

So I had an appointment tuesday morning with a Dr at MetroHealth’s rehab department hoping he might have some insight as what to do next.  I also had an appointment to meet with therapists from the FES Center.  I was expecting to be in and out with the Dr but he did a fairly thorough exam and evaluation of my sensations.  He found something that needs to be looked into when I get home.  I then saw the FES therapist expecting to receive information about their programs.  Nope, i was evaluated for one of their studies.  Potentially I may get in, I was not expecting this at all.  If something comes of it my life may improve drastically.  Trying not to get my hopes up in case I don’t get in.  It would involve returning to Cleveland for surgery with a brief stay for some initial therapies and then occasional returns for this and that for a few days.

Woot!

Goofed off the rest of the afternoon, had a yummy salad at Potbelly and then my father grabbed pizza for dinner.  We travel 240 miles and he comes back with the exact type of crap tray pizza that is so prevalent in the Falls.   I had to laugh.  Thursday was a trip out to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.   I do disagree with the politics and the way the HoF is run but the museum is a thing of beauty and really was a great experience.

Now we are home, after finding a slightly longer but completely uncomplicated route of travel.

Rolling Along

You find yourself, three years in..  Time has dragged by, strangely enough it’s flown by too.  You don’t realize how quickly everything can change, or how much it can change.  One day you’re on your way home from work and three years later nothing is the same.  You’ve lost your home (or rather forced out of it) and you’re a guest (however welcomed or wanted, still a guest) in someone else's home.  You body doesn’t work right and barring a miracle or major medical breakthrough it never will again.  Some of things may be fixed in some manner, but they won’t  really fixed, just modified.  You friends and family give you pep talks; tell you you’re loved, how strong you are, how brave; make you out to be some sort of hero. You tend to not believe them.  You’re hardly inspiring. You're just some fool who broke down on the thruway.  And you’re broken. You’ll see stories of others that are broken too.  You’ll tell yourself, “I wish that article was more specific, where is their injury? Is it the same as mine?”  Surely their’s is lower.  It must be, their recovery is going so much better, easier, and smoother than your’s.   It must be because they’re a guy, because they’re 22, because they were an athlete, because they were in the military. Because they weren’t you.  And you’re weak and broken.

Some days you don’t know how you’re going to get through it all, but you do, somehow.  Someday things will truly be OK again.  Today is not that day.  The day is coming, just not today.

Ouch that hurt

I bet you didn't know I drove a two-seater. Today I saw the pictures from the accident investigation.   I didn't know i was driving said two-seater until I saw the pictures.  There was little left of the trunk and back seat.  Strangely enough the front seat was relatively intact.  

The best part of seeing these pictures?  I now realize how much my mind is numbed by antidepressant meds.  Normally i think i'd be a jibbering mess, I felt nothing but awe seeing the destruction.  Even writing this, joking comes easier than it should under the circumstances, maybe I need to change that.

Bio of a Bear

My registered name (whatever that means)is Script For a Jester's Tear..  My mommy calls me Bear, she's 'Tine Lady.  Then there's Joey Lady and Big Guy.  I used to live with them when i was little.  But that doesn't matter.  Let me tell you what happened lots of big moons ago.

Joey Lady and Big Guy came over and told me that Momma had gotten hurt in her black box zoomie thing (they called it a "car" though)  They then told me that she was at ECMC (erie canine medical center?) I guess its some sort of vet place for two-leggers.  They took me to their house.  

Momma's home now.  She keeps telling me stories.  She broke her left foreleg and her back.  She lays around on her bed all day, but sometimes comes to see me in her wheelchair.  I like it when she does that.

Just thought i'd introduce myself.  I'm a bit conflicted about this.  I think Momma would be so proud of me for learning how to type.  But she's probably mortified i'm sharing her secrets.

I hope she doesn't find out.   

The one in which we discuss new exciting job opportunities while comatose

         So as I mentioned last time i spent the first week or so after the accident working in California.   The details are a little blurry at this point but somehow I'd gotten an opportunity to do some walk on part work for TV shows.  I was working on a half-hour teen dramedy about a high school cheerleader.  I ended up in a small fender fender and had to go to hospital and they found some stuff wrong with me that left me recovering for a few days.  I had suffered some untreated injuries in an accident back home a few days before i headed to CA.  The other show I don't remember specifics but i landed in the hospital after suffering asthma attack triggered by some weeds being used for decorations.

         I'm not sure about anyone else but when dreaming normally I have trouble reading.  Not that i cannot read, but anything i look at is gobbledy-gook.  And it's all forms of reading, books, news papers, websites, etc.  Well while i was in CA working, i was able to find myself on the IMDB.  :-)

I don't know.  There was a few other acting gigs but i don't remember enough details.  One thing I really don't understand is why I spent Hallowe'en at Kevin Sorbo's house.  I was fairly well cognizant of real time going by and the accident was well after Hallowe'en.  

Oh and did I mention the hospital i was in was geographically in CA but was sovereign Canadian land? Well it was.  And it was staffed by Buffalonians.  So something was soaking through from the real world.

Next time we'll discuss some of the other jobs i worked while tripping.

    

The one in which we discuss what happened

I was on my way home from work.  90% or more of my commute is on I-190.  Not that it truly matters. I had just gotten off the northbound North Grand bridge when I noticed that Corbaebee was acting a bit funny.

I was trying to figure out what to do next.  Placement was bad, there are a series of on ramps and interchanges within a rather short distance.  I thought i might try to coast off down the Niagara Falls Blvd exit, but thought it might not be best choice if i drifted i'd go down an incline and attempts to coast around the corner and get into the parking lot at Bob Evans might not work.  Never mind if the light might be red when i hit bottom.  So I kept going.  Then there's an overpass bridge over the Blvd, with no shoulder. I thought it best to not risk that.   I don't remember much beyond coming to a dead stop a bit after that.  Whatever my exact thought processes were, they are lost to a November morning.

I was dead in the middle of the slow lane of I-190 northbound 6 AM on a thursday morning.  I made sure the hazards were on and scrambled for my phone.  I placed a call to 911 and waited for someone to rescue me.  I stayed in the car, as far as i recall i had nowhere safe to go.   The next thing I remember i was in a hospital in California after getting sick while working as an extra on a TV show.  Yeah i know, i wish i knew what they were giving me at ECMC too. More on that later.